Gaslighting 

For me out of all the antics that the Narcissistic perpetrator can do, Gaslighting has to be the worst or the most effective in disorientating their victim, especially if a third party is involved. What I mean by a third party is someone who can validate the victims actions which the narcissist is contradicting. However, if the third party, a friend, work colleague etc sides with with the perpetrator, the victim thoughts and emotions can move to another level of self disbelief. Invariably the third party sides with the narcissist for one reason – they don’t want the narcissist coming after them.

For those unsure of Gaslighting it is a term used after the film Gas Light was released in 1944 where the wife experiences the gas light dimming for no apparent reason and is she hears noises up in the boarded attic whilst her husband is away. Her husband Gregory assures her it is in her mind, but it is in fact Gregory who is turning down the gas lights and making the noises in the attic – all to taunt his wife and her state of mind as part of an elaborate plot of intrigue and deception to steal her inheritance.

In everyday life gaslighting is that something is said or done and the narcissist denies all knowledge of the situation or accuses the victim of a situation that didn’t occur or the details are very far from the truth. The denial will be accompanied with words such as ‘you’re going mad, I didn’t do that’ or you’re crazy how could you think I said that – you do have a vivid imagination’ and so on. It can occur in the work place where gaslighting can work to the advantage of the perpetrator or they want to cover up mistakes that are have been made.

“The danger of letting go of your reality is pretty extreme.” Better by Today website

These are some of the method used manipulate someone else:

Countering which is the most obvious. Where the abuser is questioning the gaslightees memory of events. The recipient can become disorientated, highly questioning their thoughts and memory.

Diverting – when the abuser diverts and changes the subject. This can happen so fast from a potentially confrontational situation to a calmer situation without the victim knowing what’s just happened and is left confused.

Withholding  – where the abuser says they don’t understand what is being said to them or don’t want to hear what is being said.

Trivializing – making light or riducling the victim and suggesting the subject is trival and not important. So demeaning the victim.

Forgetting – is a where the abuser denies all knowledge and says they have forgotten – however a narcissistic abuser will really say that they are at fault.

For more information and help on coping strategies call me on 07464202715

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