Promotional Setbacks

Promotion is something that we generally want to aspire to until we reach a level that we are happy with the position we are in – that level can differ from person to the next. We like the increased responsibility, or the chance to explore other areas of our work and of course there is the money.

What promotion does, it sends out a message that you are valued, your work is appreciated and you are capable of going further. However when we are constantly overlooked and the promotion is given to others who you feel are not deserving, it sends us into a sense of not being good enough, everyone is better, what’s wrong with me?

There can be many answers to that question.  See what you think of the list below.

1. False evaluation of your own ability

2. One area of your work that is letting your down

3. Poor connection with co-workers and superiors

4. Lack of self-belief relayed in body posture, language and eye contact

5. A part of you would like the promotion, but there is another part of you that is happy to stay safe

6. Self sabotaging for what ever reason – usually coming from childhood.

Case scenario:  True story

(names changed and permission granted to write this scenario)

Julie was an excellent administrator, accurate in her work, punctual, honest and worked hard. Her immediate boss was leaving to join another company and Julie saw her opportunity to apply for her bosses position.  She applied and was interviewed.  During the interview she didn’t come across with the strong conviction that this was the right position for her.  It left doubt in the minds of the interviewers. She didn’t get the promotion and her job was given to a less experienced person.

So what happened in this case.

In Julies childhood her mother had to be at all cost, the one in the limelight – the bell of the ball as it were. If anyone upstaged her she would become angry, jealous and manipulative. Julie was a good looking child and received many compliments which alienated her mother.  Behind closed doors her mother would criticise her, ridicule her and come out with statements like ‘ you will never come to much, you will always need someone  to guide your through life’.

This constant, relentless emotional manipulation went on for years, from childhood into adult hood and even to this day.  The result Julie had deep down belief that she was indeed second rate and that her abilities were unsubstantial and flawed. In the interview room under pressure her anxities came to the fore and her belief of not ‘beling good enough’ came across in her body language, and her responses at the interview.

We all have intuition and we can sense when things are not quite right : some have better intuition than others.  This is exactly what happened with the interviewers who sensed something wasn’t quite right and as a result Julie was turned down.

What Happened to Julie

I met Julie who struck me as a confident, very capable women. She expressed opinions and thoughts, however her underlying anxiety presented with over – eating, caring for everyone but herself and being sensitive to others opinion. Above all she had a deep fear of making a mistake and saying the wrong thing.

 Julie had some affections for her mother, but love, well that had wained over the years. The continual hurtful remarks and then adoration had left Julie with a rooted sense of mis-trust on a never ending roller coaster ride of emotions.

The priority was to help Julie reduce the anxiety and to processess the hurtful emotional remarks from her childhood. To help with this EMDR was the therapy of choice. Understanding her own boundaries and that of other is always important.  Her own boundaries of being the people pleaser without appreciation from others and jumping in when not asked. Also learning not to absorb hurtful unhelpful remarks. Julie soon learnt that she could display her boundaries through body language, eye contact, not responding-  silent response, grey walling, and a calm demeaner.

Through Hypnotherapy we worked on reduction of stress and self belief.  

Julie found that she reacted less to her mothers remarks and indeed unhelpful remarks from colleagues at work through implementation of boundaries.  At home she would listen to the hypnosis recordings regarding anxiety and acceptance of herself which I recorded for her which were bespoke to her case.

Julie went on to get her promotion, with a new company.

Oh –  she also lost weight.

Note: Information on this web site is for informational purposes only and in no way a substitute for professional medical and mental health advice. You should not use the information on this web site for diagnosing or treating a medical or health condition. 

For more information please call me on tel: 0746420715